


Awake My Soul

by SicVitaEst



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x22, Angst, Apocalypseverse (Supernatural), Background Relationships, Character Death, Crying Dean Winchester, Crying Gabriel (Supernatural), Fix-It of Sorts, How Do I Tag, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I hate this fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Poor Gabriel (Supernatural), Poor Sam Winchester, Post-Season/Series 13 AU, Protective Dean Winchester, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Season/Series 13, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soulmates, There’s some violence and stuff in here so beware, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage (Supernatural), no beta we die like men, please comment on it this, slight destiel, well kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SicVitaEst/pseuds/SicVitaEst
Summary: Sam started forwards but Dean stopped him almost immediately. He was struggling to break free from the older hunter’s hold. He couldn’t let Gabriel go again, couldn’t let him die for him again. He couldn’t let him go before he got to tell the ex-trickster how he felt.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 37
Kudos: 58





	1. How Fickle My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A kind of fix it fic. For the purpose of this fic, everything after 13x22 does not happen :) This is just a bit of fun for me to experiment with a few scenarios I’ve been thinking of.
> 
> Story title and chapter titles inspired by the song Awake My Soul by Mumford & Sons.
> 
> This is my first Supernatural fic that I’ve attempted so I hope you guys enjoy 😬
> 
> Disclaimer: Although I have dabbled in fanfic for the past few years, I am in no way an author, this is just a bit of fun as a “beginner” :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set at the end of 13x22 Exodus.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Can it be? Gabriel?” Michael spoke in a mocking tone.

Gabriel turned to the Winchesters and told them to go back through the failing rift. He stepped forward to face Michael, ignoring Sam’s desperate please to stop.

Tearing up, Sam whispered a quiet “Gabe, don’t.”

Gabriel’s heart broke for the younger man and part of him almost stepped away from Michael, but he knew he needed to do this.

“All I did on Earth was run. I’m not running anymore.”

Sam started forwards but Dean stopped him almost immediately. He was struggling to break free from the older hunter’s hold. He couldn’t let Gabriel go again, couldn’t let him die for him again. He couldn’t let him go before he got to tell the ex-trickster how he felt.

“Go!”. Gabriel’s tone was stronger and more urgent this time.

“Come on Sammy, we gotta go.”

Dean started to drag Sam back to the rift entrance. Michael took a step forward and revealed his archangel blade. Gabriel flinched slightly, but remained calm as he leaped forward and tried to go for Michael. Michael dodged Gabriel’s attack and struck him across the face with the butt of the blade. The younger archangel was knocked down, his lack of grace making it harder to fight, especially one of his brothers.

Getting back up, Gabriel went for Michael again, this time knocking the blade out of his hand and onto the forest floor, next to where Lucifer lay unconscious. Sam broke out of his brother's grasp and launched himself at the blade, managing to grab it just before Michael.

“Sam, what are you do-“ Gabriel’s protest was cut off by Michael throwing him against a tree.

“Gabriel!” Sam shrieked. Dean went to grab his brother and drag him back through that rift, but was stopped in his tracks as he saw Michael grab Sam and hold him against his chest, so Sam’s back was against his body.

“Don’t come closer Winchester. We both know the portal is failing, and you are going to let me through.”

“Not a chance in hell, you son of a bitch.”

Dean’s reply only angered the Archangel, causing him to grab the blade from Sam’s hand and hold it against his throat. Dean’s face went white as he saw his brother once again on the brink of death.

Michael chuckled at the sight. “Oh I think you will.”

Unnoticed by the group, Gabriel was starting to stir.

“You know what I want, Winchester.” Michael punctuated his point by making a cut in Sam’s neck. Sam hissed at the sudden pain, but otherwise remained calm, for his sake and Dean’s.

Dean was weighing his options. He knew he couldn’t let alternate Michael into their world, but he also couldn’t stand to watch his little brother die again because of him.

As if to raise a response out of Dean, Michael moved the blade from Sam’s neck to just above his stomach. Dean’s breath hitched in his throat.

“Dean, don’t even think about it.” Sam called out to his brother.

He knew how this was going to end. He thought about everyone on the other side of the portal and how they were expecting both brothers to stumble through together in the nick of time. He thought about his mother, whom he had only just started to get to know again. He thought about Cas, who he’d grown close with over the past few years and thought of as a very close friend. He thought about Jack, who he thought of as his own son. He thought of the group of resistance that they’d brought back to their world, and how he’d helped them. Faintly, Sam could hear his brother arguing with Michael, and he just about cried with relief when he saw that Gabriel was okay and standing by Dean’s side.

Sam had made up his mind. There was only one way to stop Michael. Only an archangel could kill another archangel with an archangel blade. Looking up to his brother and Gabriel, he mouthed two words.

“I’m sorry.”

Then he grabbed the hand Michael was holding the archangel blade in, and pushed the blade into his stomach. He let out a pained cry as the blade pushed through his middle and into the archangel behind him.

Michael’s eyes let out a powerful light as he let go of the blade and fell to the floor, taking Sam with him.

“SAMMY NO!”

Both Gabriel and Dean cried out as they rushed forward towards the pair who were now laying unmoving on the ground.

Lucifer was starting to wake up, but neither paid any mind to him as they removed the blade and separated Michael and Sam. Michael’s wings were shadowed against the muddy forest floor. He was gone. Well and truly gone.

Gabriel lifted Sam up with ease and headed towards the rift, which was starting to fail. Dean would have made a sarcastic comment about how odd Gabriel looked carrying someone who was Sam’s height had the situation not been so dire. Dean followed the two, pushing Lucifer away from the entrance as he was now attempting to pass through.

The rift closed behind Dean, but he paid no mind to it as he headed straight to where Gabriel had laid Sam out on the floor of the bunker. The hunter pushed Gabriel out of his way and dropped down next to his brother.

“Sammy. Sammy. Come on man, don’t do this to me.”

His voice was cracking, and his face was betraying his emotions. Bobby ushered the crowd that had formed out of the room, to give the family some privacy.

“He’s gone Dean.” A rough voice spoke, grabbing Dean by the shoulders and lifting him from the floor and onto a chair. Gabriel remained stone faced, but let out a single tear before leaving the room to regain his composure in private.

Mary had joined her eldest son now on a nearby chair and gathered him in her arms. They cried together, not having the energy to do much else.

“Sam!” Jack’s distraught voice rang out as he came rushing into the room. Cas stood and made his way to the kid who had collapsed beside where Sam was laid.

Together they all grieved the loss of their brother. Son. Friend. Father.


	2. How Woozy My Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this chapter, Rowena was not at the bunker when they all arrived back.
> 
> I’m sorry for how bad this is, it’s a filler chapter and I didn’t know how to work it out.
> 
> *** - start/end of flashback

The funeral happened nine days after they got back from the apocalypse world. The resistance group they had helped over to this reality had already been moved to a new area near Sioux Falls, but still came back to pay their respects to the man who had given so much to give them a new life.

They’d given Sam a proper hunter’s funeral, despite Dean’s protests that they could get Sam back. But deep down he knew no demon would deal with a Winchester, especially not now.

After they burned Sam’s body, the group headed back inside the bunker. As soon as they were inside, Dean made a beeline for his room. He wanted, no, needed, to be alone. Mary started to go after her eldest son, but Castiel gently grabbed her arm and just shook his head.

Jack just collapsed into the nearest chair and stared at the wall. He had just lost a father figure and he didn’t know how he felt. Sad? Depressed? Numb? He genuinely couldn’t put his finger on it. Loss wasn’t something he was new to, but this? This was the worst he’d ever felt.

“Jack…”

He immediately stood up and hugged Castiel, crying into the angels trench coat.

“He’s… He’s really gone.”

“I know, I know.”

Cas, albeit awkwardly, hugged the young nephilim back and did his best to whisper comforting words. Mary just stood back and watched, unsure on what to do. She would have left, but she really did not want to be alone right now.

“Where’s Gabriel?” Mary finally spoke up.

Cas looked at her. “I don’t know. He was standing outside when we all came back into the bunker, he wanted a few minutes alone. But I have not seen him since. He is taking it much harder than you think.”

Mary knew what Cas meant by that. She’d seen the way her youngest son and the archangel had interacted. They both held such a strong connection that anyone who happened to be observing the two could pick up on.

Gabriel had disappeared after the funeral, with no word to Cas about where he was going or if he’d be back. Truth be told, Gabriel was heart broken. He never got to tell Sam how he felt, and that he loved him. He knew that Sam felt the same way as him, thinking back to what happened before he had faked his death at Elysian Fields.

***

_ “Luci, I’m home.” _

_ Lucifer huffed and stepped forwards towards Kali who was near one of the tables, but Gabriel stopped him in his tracks. _

_ Gabriel raised his blade in front of the angel. “Not this time.” _

_ Lucifer tilted his head in confusion, and slight amusement. Gabriel slowly backed up and grabbed Kali, and pushed her towards the Winchesters, who had made their way over to the archangel. _

_ “Guys, get her out of here.” _

_ Dean took Kali by the arm and headed towards the door. Sam stayed behind, and turned to Gabriel. _

_ “What are you doing Gabe?” _

_ “I’m saving your asses. Now you need to go. Get as far away as you can.” _

_ Sam visibly blanched as he realised what Gabriel’s plans were. _

_ “Gabe no please, you can’t-“. _

_ Sam’s pleas were cut short as Gabriel pulled the hunter into a hug. He could feel Sam grip tighten slightly as he whispered “Sam, you’ve got to go. I’m sorry. Take care of yourself Samshine.” _

_ With that, Gabriel pulled away and turned to face his brother. Sam made his way over to the door, but paused as he heard Lucifer speak. _

_ “Over a boy? Gabriel really? I mean I knew you were slumming, but I hope you didn’t catch anything.” Lucifer was mocking Gabriel. _

_ Smirking and shaking his head slightly, he replied, “Lucifer, you’re my brother and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.” He did not appreciate his brother’s attack on the younger Winchester, whom he’d become overly fond of. _

_ This got a rise out of Lucifer, who stepped forward slightly and growled, “What did you just say to me?” _

_ Sam was starting to get nervous but before he could intervene, a hand reached out, grabbed him from behind and dragged him out of the hotel. _

_ “What the hell were you thinking Sammy? We gotta go! Now!”  _

_ But Sam wasn’t listening to his brother, instead he was frozen on the spot and staring at the hotel. Dean went towards his brother, when suddenly a bright flash of light and a loud scream burst through the windows. Sam watched in horror as the sound and lights died down. He knew what had happened and made a run for the hotel front doors. When he got to the room, he stopped dead in just tracks. Gabriel was lying on the floor, eyes open and lifeless. _

_ A small ‘no’ could be heard from Sam as he looked around, finding the devil nowhere to be seen, before rushing over to where the archangel laid. _

_ Dean had now joined his brother in a minute of silence, letting him have a moment before gently but quickly guiding him out of the hotel again and over to the impala. _

_ “He’s gone Dean. He saved us, but why?”  _

_ Dean pulled his baby brother into a quick embrace, before pulling out the Casa Erotica dvd Gabriel had given to him earlier. _

_ “Let’s hope this can tell us, and help stop the apocalypse.” _

_ Both men got into the impala, where Kali was waiting, and drove away. A figure stepped out from behind a bush and wiped a single tear from their eye, before whispering “I’m sorry mon amour.”, and heading in the opposite direction. _


	3. My Weakness I Feel I Must Finally Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a bit slow, but it is going to pick up soon! 
> 
> Also I am going to try use American terms as much as possible (like mom instead of mum cause I’m British) to make it as authentic as possible!

Dean hadn’t left his room, aside from showering and using the toilet, since he buried his brother. He couldn’t find the strength to walk to the kitchen to get himself food, so Cas had resorted to leaving it outside his bedroom door. He would knock and attempt to coax Dean into at least a conversation, but Dean would simply ignore the angel until he went away.

Mary was extremely concerned for her eldest son, the grief had hit him hard and she had no idea how to help. She barely knew the extent of how much Sam and Dean relied on each other to keep going. She may have lost a son she hadn’t known long, but Dean lost the one person who’d been there from the start, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine how bad he must be feeling.

“...ary? Mary?”

A cautious voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she turned to see Jack standing in the doorway of the dining room.

“Are you ok? You were spaced out a little bit there.”

Jack sounded genuinely concerned, and Mary smiled at this.

“Yeah kiddo, I’m okay.”

She tried her best to keep her voice level to reassure the young nephilim, but Jack just tilted his head at her response.

“You’re not okay, I can tell. Do you... do you want to talk about it? Is it about Sam?”

This simple offer to talk put tears in Mary’s eyes, which seemed to alarm Jack even more. He moved over to where she was sitting and wrapped his arms around her. She flinched slightly and he pulled away.

“I’m sorry, I thought hugs were a way of showing comfort. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Mary immediately regretted flinching away, she just felt like she didn’t deserve any comfort. She failed her youngest son, she was the reason her boys were over in the apocalypse world in the first place. She hated herself for letting her Sam get hurt. She let her son die.

“It’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Why?” Jack again found himself confused.

“I should not be allowed to feel better at all, it’s my fault that Sam and Dean were there in the first place. I should have stopped-.”

Mary was cut off as Jack once again stepped forward and hugged her. He hated that she blamed herself. Their time together being held against their will made Jack to come to really appreciate the woman and thought of her blaming herself for this... well it hurt him.

“Don’t blame yourself. If it’s you’re fault, it’s mine too.”

“Jack no, that’s not true.”

“Then it isn’t true for you either. Sam and Dean did what they believed was best. They chose to come and save us. Sam getting-“ Jack’s voice wavered slightly at the thought of his... his father dying. “Sam getting hurt was no ones fault. Not mine, not your’s, or Dean’s, or Castiel’s, or Sam’s. It’s Michael’s fault, he was the one to put Sam in that situation. Sam is a hero. He saved us and the world again, and he would not want us to be blaming ourselves.”

After Jack had finished speaking, the pair heard a noise, which sounded like a painful cough, coming from the doorway. Dean, who had decided to leave his room in search for his mother, was standing in the doorway, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Mary immediately went to her eldest and embraced him. This small action broke the dam and Dean started sobbing into his mother’s shoulder. She just held him as he cried, because this was the first major display of emotion since they lost Sam.

After a few minutes, Dean had calmed down and they had all moved to the library. Dean had grabbed a couple beers on the way, and they all sat and shared happy memories with Sam. Laughing slightly and taking a sip of his beer, Dean started to tell a story from their childhood. “Sam and I used to play hide and seek in the yard whenever we were left at Bobby’s. This one summer, I think I was 15 and Sammy was 11, we were having a game of hide and seek when Sammy jumped out of one of the old cars and scared me half to death.” Jack giggled at the thought of a young Sam getting the jump on his older brother. Dean glared at Jack and said “it’s not funny kid, I fell on my ass. It hurt!”. This new information sent Jack into a fit of laughter. Even Mary started to snicker, and eventually they all fell into fits of laughter.

Dean sat back and watched Mary and Jack laugh, he felt a sense of content wash over him for the first time since they lost Sam. This is what his brother would have wanted, reminiscing on memories and having these chick flick moments. This was Sam all over.

He then thought of Gabriel and a frown replaced the small smile on his face. Dean wasn’t stupid, he knew there was something going on between the archangel and Dean’s little brother. It was clear as day. Quite frankly, even he was getting sick of their constant oblivious pining for each other. He felt terrible, losing his brother was like a part of him had been ripped away, but at least he had his mother, Jack and Cas. Gabriel had practically disappeared and he had no one. Chuck knows what he was doing, or how he was coping. Finding himself being concerned about the ex-trickster was a little disconcerting. He thought Gabriel was a dick, but since they got him back from Asmodeus Dean had really started to respect him. He really seemed to make Sammy happy, and that was good enough for him.

“Dean, are you okay?”

His mom’s voice snapped Dean out of his thoughts.

“Yeah mom, just thinking about Sammy and Gabriel.”

She smiled at this and went to reply when Cas suddenly appeared distressed.

Dean jumped out of his seat. “Cas? Wha-.”

“Dean, something is wrong with Gabriel.”


	4. Can You Feel My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This storyline I had planned out seems like it’s gonna be a bit longer than expected. Oopsy. Enjoy.
> 
> TW: there is a very slight reference to suicide at the beginning of this chapter, please be careful :)

After leaving Sam’s funeral, Gabriel went to his hidden cabin in the Everglades and got stuck in a period of depression, which was not unusual for the archangel. He’d finally escaped Asmodeus, got his Sam back, and then lost him to some evil alternate world version of one of his brothers. It was too much. He may be one of the most powerful beings in existence who could deal with anything, but the loss of the only man he's ever loved was not something he could ever get over. Gabriel could not even imagine how Sam had felt when he pulled that disappearing act at Elysian Fields, he regretted how it affected Sam, but it was the best thing for everyone. Oh Dad, was that what Sam thought when he killed himself and Michael?  
  


Thinking about how Sam thought that was the best way to take on Michael... it made him angry. Angry at Michael for being an evil, destructive dick. Angry at Lucifer for bringing him back to life after the vampire attack only to trick him into leading him back to the camp. Angry at Sam for being so stupid. But most of all, he was angry at himself for failing to protect Sam. It shouldn’t have gone down like that.

He got up from from his arm chair, and headed over to his drinks cabinet. Alcohol may not do much to affect him, but he found it somewhat comforting. Pouring himself a generous portion of whiskey, Gabriel walked over to cabin’s window and looked up towards the moon. There was no doubt in his mind that Sam was up there. He wishes he could enter heaven, but that was not possible. Not for him anyway.

Directing his attention back to his glass, he goes to take a sip when he gets an intense headache. Dropping his glass, he falls to his knees and clutches his head. Flashes of empty black spaces, dark trees and a small wooden structure aflame assaulted his vision. Gabriel let out a low, almost inaudible scream before the visions finally let up and he passed out.

Several hundred miles away outside grocery store in Lawrence, Castiel dropped the plastic bag containing the beer and pie he just bought as a weak attempt to cheer Dean up. Gripping his ears, he bowed forward slightly to try and relieve the pain. Luckily for him it was late, so no one was around to watch him as he struggled to get his bearings. All he could hear was a low cry of pain before it suddenly stopped, and he was left gasping for breath. That was Gabriel. He could easily identify the small traces of grace that were expelled with the scream. He tried to figure out where Gabriel was, but the trail of grace dissipated too quickly. Cas stood up straight, abandoning the bag and it’s spilled contents on the sidewalk, and immediately flew to the bunker.

When he appeared visibly troubled in the library, Dean startled and jumped from where he was sitting. Cas ignored Dean’s questioning tone and immediately got to the point.

“Dean, something is wrong with Gabriel.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at this, and asked “What do you mean? We don’t even know where he is. He left us after Sammy...” He stopped talking after inadvertently mentioning his brother.

“I was outside the store after getting you pie,” Dean smiled a small bit at hearing that Cas thought about getting him pie. “When I heard this low, hard to hear, cry. Or maybe it was a scream. I don’t know. It stopped not a few seconds after it started. I could pick up on the grace. It was definitely Gabriel. Something has happened to him.”

Dean sat back down and put his head in his hands. Mary just stared at Cas and Jack looked absolutely terrified.

“Do you know what it was? Do you have any idea where he is?” Jack was the one to speak up this time.

Cas turned to Jack. “No I don’t. I tried tracking his grace but it was gone almost immediately after the screaming stopped. He’s in Florida. That’s all I know.”

“Florida? That’s an 18 hour drive at least, and we don't even know what we are walking into. What if this is something to do with Lucifer?”

Jack glared at Dean, he was still confused why they had left his biological father behind and no one would offer him any explanation as to why they all hated him so much.

“Why do you dislike my father so much?” Jack’s question sounded innocent enough, but his tone was strong and demanding.

“It’s a very long story kiddo.” Dean sighed. He really loved the kid, despite their rocky start, but he did not want to have this conversation right now. He was feeling extremely worn out by the sudden change in events, and earlier’s emotional episode.

Jack seemed to sense Dean’s distress, and let it go for the moment.

“What do we do Cas?”

“Not we Dean, I. I’m going to Florida to track Gabriel down and find out what’s going on. Like you said, we have no idea what we are walking into. It will be safer if I go alone.”

“Cas, that’s a really dumb-“

Cas had gone before Dean could even finish telling him how stupid his idea was.

“That feathery bastard.” Dean cussed the angel out, and Mary sent him a disapproving look for the swear. She could, however, understand her son’s frustrations.

“Look Dean, it’s been a tough few weeks for us all. Maybe we should just get some rest. Cas might even have found something by morning.”

Dean nodded at his mother’s words, and made his way to his bedroom. He knew that attempting to get any kind of sleep was futile in light of recent events, but he knew it would make his mother feel better if she thought he was getting some rest.


	5. Little Lion Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter today, enjoy.
> 
> CW: swearing

Gabriel woke up to a loud banging on his cabin door. Pulling himself up as quickly as his aching body would allow, he grabbed his angel blade and made his way towards the door. Preparing himself for an attack, he stood slightly back, blade in one hand and the other cautiously opening the the door. He raised the angel blade, but stopped himself when he saw Castiel staring back at him.

“Gabriel-“

Cas had to stop himself as the archangel started to sway, so he stepped forward and caught Gabriel before he collapsed. He helped Gabriel over to his arm chair and sat him down.

“Cas? Why are you here?”

“I heard you scream Gabriel, I came looking for you immediately. You’ve been a mess since Sam died.” Gabriel did not like Cas saying that. “ What happened brother?”

Gabriel hesitated to reply, he wasn’t completely sure himself what had happened. “I’m not sure. It was some kind of vision. I could see so many different places? Or maybe they were scenarios. It felt like a premonition, but I was in so much pain." He then went on and told the angel about what he saw.

"Why is this happening now? Why is this happening to me? I'm a freaking archangel, this kind of shit just doesn't happen to me Cas!"

Cas was unsure on what to do. If these really were visions of what was to come, it was extremely concerning. Suddenly, he stood up from where he had taken a seat across from Gabriel and started pacing. Gabriel just watched him, waiting for him to spit out whatever he must have suddenly thought of.

"Gabriel, when you saw the blackness, are you completely sure you did not see anything else? Are you sure it was just plain darkness?"

The archangel had to stop and think for a minute, it all happened within a few seconds. He had barely caught onto what was happening before he passed out. Rubbing his temples, he spoke, "The floor. I managed to look down before it changed, and it was moving."

"Like fluid?" Cas asked. He was confident now that he at least knew some of what Gabriel saw. It wasn't good.

"Yeah it- Wait what is it Cas?"

"The empty."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know Gabriel. How you’re even getting these visions is beyond me. We will figure it out brother, I promise. But for now, we need to get you back to the bunker."

"The bunker? Why the fuck would I go there Cas? There's nothing for me there." Gabriel

"I know that you blame yourself for what happened to Sam, but no one else does? I don't, Dean doesn't, neither does Mary or Jack. They're all worried. I'm not great with emotions, but we all know that you and Sam had a... connection. You loved him, and he loved you-“

Gabriel stood up and abruptly cut Cas off. “No, you’re wrong. I love him. I will never stop loving him, whether he is here or not.”

Cas walked over to Gabriel and laid his hand on his shoulder. “I know Gabriel.”

Before Gabriel could reply to Cas, there was a sudden blur and they were standing in the middle of the bunker's library. Gabriel stumbled a little from the landing and into the table, knocking over a stack of books to the floor.

"What in the... Cas? Gabe?" Dean came into the library after hearing the loud bang, fully expecting there to be some threat, but just found the two angels staring back at him. He immediately walked up to Gabriel and wrapped him in an awkward hug. This took Gabriel by surprise and gently patted the hunter on the back. Dean stepped back and smiled at Cas before speaking again.

"It's good to see you man, we've all missed you."

Gabriel smirked a bit as he replied sarcastically, "Awh, you missed me Deano?"

“Shuddup, it’s the only time I’ll say something nice to you, don’t mock it.”

“Uncle Gabe!!!” Jack chose that moment to run into the library and hit Gabriel at full speed, hugging him tightly.

“What happened? Cas just disappeared from the bunker and ignored our calls for an entire day.”

The group sat down, with Mary joining them after hearing the commotion, and Cas began to explain about Gabriel’s the visions and the empty.

“But why did it effect you like that? Even with Sammy’s visions, he would get these giant headaches, but nothing like that.”

“Yeah, it’s completely out of the blue, but there’s been nothing since. I have no idea what they mean or why I got them. It makes no sense.” Gabriel leaned back in the chair and put his head in his hands and sighed in frustration.

Seeing Gabriel like this and not being his usual charismatic, sarcastic self was extremely unnerving to Dean. These visions, and what happened to Sam, had absolutely destroyed the archangel. Dean hated to see this man who brought his little brother so much joy, so down.

The ground started to shake violently. Books were thrown off the shelves, and a loud rumble of thunder could be heard from outside. The four were knocked from their chairs on to the floor. After a few moments, the shaking subsided and they stood up.

“What the hell was that?”

Dean looked to Cas, but he just shook his head. Then there was another ominous rumble of thunder, and they decided to go outside to see what had happened. When they got out there, Gabriel stopped dead in his tracks.

“The atmosphere. It is changing. Something is going to happen. Something big.”

A bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree, which went up in flames. There was a bright flash, followed by another rumble of thunder.

“This is seriously screwed up, what is going on?”

A figure emerged from behind the fire, limping and moving slowly towards the group. The flickering flames were periodically lighting up the mystery person’s face.

“Sammy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 110% hate the way this turned out, I had the idea, but I’m extremely emotionally and physically drained right now and couldn’t come up with a good way to actually write it out. Like I am really insecure about this chapter aha.


	6. I’ll Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so long, hope you enjoy!

“Dean?”

Dean let out a tear at the sight of his brother, a little worse for wear but alive nonetheless. He started forward, but Cas stopped him and walked up to Sam and put his hand on the hunter’s forehead.

“It’s definitely him.”

Dean sighed in relief and headed towards Sam, wrapping him in a bear hug.

“Sammy, don’t do that again. Watching you do that... Just please.”

Dean pulled away and wiped the tears off his cheeks. Sam just watched him, tears building up in his eyes as well. Mary walked over and gently hugged her youngest son, and when she pulled away, rested both hands on his shoulders.

"We missed you sweetheart. What happened?"

Sam had barely had time to process what had happened and that he was actually back.

"I have no idea, all I remember was being in the apocalypse world, and then I woke up here. How long has it been?"

Jack decided to speak up this time. "It's been 3 weeks. I really thought you were gone." At this point, Jack burst into tears and Sam hugged him. Whilst that was going on, Cas had silently walked over to Gabriel, who was just frozen in his place.

"Brother..."

"Cas, he's alive. I can't..."

Cas just looked at his brother in sympathy.

"Maybe we should all head inside, and put the fire out." Everyone seemed to agree with Mary. Cas took to putting the fire out, and the others went back into the bunker. Gabriel was lagging behind the group, so Sam waited for him.

"Sam..." Gabriel paused, not knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry Gabriel. I really didn’t want to do that in front of you, it was the only way.”

“The only way? Are you insane-“

“I’m going in.”

Sam interrupted Gabriel, making it clear he did not want to have this conversation right now and went inside.

When he eventually followed the group back into the bunker, he found them all in the library, sitting around the table and talking quietly, no doubt wanting to find out what had happened to Sam. He took a seat next to Jack when Dean spoke up.

“I think we need to talk about what happened. Don’t get me wrong Sammy, I am very glad I've got my brother back, but what you did was concerning. You died in that vampires nest, and you were resurrected by freaking Satan. And then you go and pull a stunt like that with Michael? What the hell were you thinking man?” The volume of Dean’s voice rose with every spoken word.

“Now? You want to do this now? Fine then. I could not stand to see Gabriel die again because of me. Okay? I couldn’t let it happen. I couldn’t let Michael get through the rift. I saw an opportunity, and I took it!” Sam had stood up during his speech and was now shaking and on the verge of tears. “Don’t you dare tell me I made a mistake. Don’t you dare try to make me regret what I did. I know I did was right. Don’t you tell me any different Dean.”

And with that, Sam left and headed to his room. He sat down on his bed, and cried. He cried for what happened in the vampires. He cried for doing what he did in front of his brother. He cried for screwing up what he could have had with Gabriel. Sam had no idea how much time had passed when a knock at his door pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Hey Sammoose? Can I come in?”

Sam just stayed quiet, so Gabriel opened the door and cautiously made his way towards him.

“Can I sit down?”

Sam just shrugged his shoulders so Gabriel sat down gently on the bed next to Sam, but was careful to leave him some space if he needed it. Neither man said anything for a few minutes, just sitting in silence and trying to think of what to say. Sam wiped a tear off of his cheek and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry Gabe.”

This shocked Gabriel, what was he supposed to say to that? His heart broke at the sight of his hunter in so much pain. All he wanted is for Sam to be ok again, to be himself.

“Why? What have you got to be sorry for? You’ve done nothing.”

“Yes I did. I put you and Dean and Cas and Mom and Jack through so much crap. I can’t do anything without hurting anyone. I try to do the right thing but yet again I’ve got it wrong.”

Sam put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. Some how he couldn’t find the energy to cry anymore.

“No.”

Gabriel got up and started pacing back and forth.

“No. You don’t get to feel like that. You can’t feel like that. You, Sam Winchester, are a fucking hero who deserves so much more. You deserve a life.”

Sam stood up and walked over to where Gabriel was standing and looked him in the eyes.

“What are you talking about? What was the alternative? Let you die? No. Definitely not.”

After saying this, he swore he heard Gabriel growl.

“Don’t you dare think your life is worth less than mine, or anyone else’s okay? There is nothing, and I truly mean nothing, in the universe I would not do for you.”

Sam stared at Gabriel, completely gobsmacked.

“Oh for dad’s sake, I love you Sam. Completely and utterly in love with you. I love how you are so kind to everyone, willing to give people second chances even when maybe they don’t deserve it. I love how you took care of me after...” Gabriel choked up a little, “after I escaped Asmodeus. You never gave up on me, even when everyone else did. You have a heart of gold and a soul brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. You took care of me. Let me take care of you.”

Sam was tearing up. Gabriel loved him. He actually loved him. Gabriel had taken Sam’s silence asrejection and took a step back, giving Sam some space. This snapped Sam into action, who closed the space between the two, put his hands on Gabriel’s cheeks and bent down to place a gentle kiss on his lips. The kiss was brief, but loving, and when Sam pulled away, Gabriel was grinning like he just won top prize in a competition.

“Well well well Sammy, you have a crush on me? Well I am flattered”

Gabriel’s weak attempt to make a joke made Sam chuckle and he leaned down for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would also like to say thank you to a mutual on tumblr jxmieswxnter for helping me overcome my writers block! Check out their ao3, undernightlight, cause they write some phenomenal fics for other fandoms!


	7. I Hold Hands With Cosmic Entities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoy :)

After Sam’s outburst in the library, Gabriel left a few minutes after Sam did. He wanted to give Sam space, but he was also concerned about him and didn’t want to leave him alone too long. When Gabriel went after Sam, Dean silently got up and poured himself a generous amount of whiskey and started pacing in between two bookshelves. Mary decided it was best to leave Dean alone, so she quietly motioned to Jack and they both left to go to bed.

Cas had stayed seated but he watched Dean carefully, waiting for the hunter to speak. When he didn’t, Cas decided to speak up.

“Dean, he didn’t mean what he said you know? He has been through a lot recently, you both have. He was just stressed. I’m sure tomorrow you will be able to talk it through with him.”

Dean just raised a skeptical eyebrow at this and Cas glared at him.

“You’re both too emotional to talk about this right now. Tomorrow morning you can sit Sam down and have what you would call a ‘chick flick’ moment with him.” Cas did quotation marks with his hands when saying ‘chick flick’ and Dean huffed out a laugh. “You’re both hard headed, which seems to be a typical Winchester trait, and you need to make him let you take care of him.”

“I know Cas. I have been trying to be a good big brother to him, but lately it’s like I have failed him. I was so focused on getting Mom and Jack back that I completely forgot about Sam. Having to work with Lucifer... Oh Cas what have I done.”

Dean was making himself increasingly upset the more he spoke, so Cas gently took the glass from Dean and guided him out of the library and to his room.

—-

When it reached 7 am, Dean got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Whilst waiting for the pot to brew, he leant against the counter and rubbed his hands against his facein an attempt to wake himself up. Sleeping was nigh on impossible, his racing thoughts and guilt kept him awake. He kept thinking of his conversation with Cas last night. Sam had put up with him enough, he decided. Dean was going to take care of his little brother. He was going to help him get better, and finally deal with all his trauma. Cas had entered the kitchen after hearing Dean was awake, and now he was standing staring Dean who was still deep in thought.

“Dean.”

The sudden voice broke Dean out of his thoughts and he cursed. “Dammit Cas. What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that.”

“My apologies Dean, you seemed to have been spacing out.”

“Just tired Cas.” Dean replied to the angel, and poured himself a coffee. Taking a sip of the piping hot liquid, he sighed in what seem to be relief. “What do you want Cas?” Dean asked, then immediately cringed at how much of an asshole he sounded. “I’m sorry Cas.”

Cas just waved him off. “Don’t worry Dean, you are stressed and worried about Sam. It’s perfectly understandable that you are getting a bit frustrated at everything.”

“Speaking of Sam, have you seen him? He’s usually up and awake by now, but I don’t think he’s been out of his room since last night.”

“I haven’t seen him, he’s probably still asleep Dean. Yesterday was rough.”

Dean had a sudden urge to check on his baby brother, so he put his coffee mug down and headed towards Sam’s room with Cas following him. He knocked gently on the door just in case Sam was awake, and when he heard no movement from inside, he quietly opened it. When he looked into the room, he grinned at the sight that greeted him. Sam was peacefully fast asleep, resting on Gabriel’s chest and he had an arm around the angel’s waist. Gabriel had one arm wrapped around Sam, and with his other arm he was running his fingers through Sam’s hair and smiling softly at the sleeping hunter.

Hearing Dean and Cas entering the room, Gabriel looked up at them and motioned for them to be quiet, and then continued to play with Sam’s hair. Dean whispered, “Is he okay?”

Gabriel replied, being careful to keep his volume low as not to wake Sam, “It was an emotional night, I managed to calm him down and eventually got him to sleep. He only woke up once with a nightmare about the cage, but he did go back to sleep. I didn’t want to leave him, he seemed so peaceful when he was sleeping.” Gabriel had gone back to looking at the hunter fondly.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Dean paused for a minute and spoke again, “are you sure nothing else happened.” He was smirking a little bit, but Gabriel just glared back at him. “No. Don’t be stupid Deano. Now scram, Sam needs his rest.”

Getting dismissed like that annoyed Dean a little bit, but he respected it, so he and Cas left the two in piece. As they headed back to the kitchen, Dean said to Cas, “Do you think they finally admitted to each other how they feel?” Cas just shook his head slightly and replied, “Maybe, maybe not.”

—-

After Dean and Cas left, Sam started to stir. Shifting slightly, he sat up in the bed and rubbed at his eyes.

“Morning handsome.” Gabriel’s tone was light and playful as he too sat up straighter.

“Gabe? You stayed.” Sam sounded genuinely surprised, and this concerned Gabriel a little bit, but he brushed it off. They could talk about Sam’s self esteem issues later.

“Of course I did. Can’t leave my Samshine alone, whatever would I do with myself without you in my company.”

“I was sleeping Gabe, not very good company.”

“Every second spent in your company, awake or asleep, is a second to be treasured.”

“Is that you flirting with me Gabriel?” Sam laughed a little as he spoke.

“Partially, but I’m mainly stating fact. You’re a joy to be around. Genuinely. Why don’t you believe that?” Gabriel’s hand moved up to Sam’s cheek, and he brushed against it gently with his thumb.

Sam’s smile faltered slightly at the prospect of a serious talk about personal feelings. “It’s not that, just not something I’m used to hearing. That’s all.” He tried to reassure the angel.

“Well,” Gabriel started confidently, “then I’ll just make sure you never doubt it again. Starting with a date.”

Sam became a little more awake at Gabriel’s proposition. “A date? You want to go on a date?”

“Well yes, only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to go on a date with you Gabe. Where do you want to go?”

“It’s a surprise my love, I’ll come back to get you tonight. Be ready.”

And with a quick kiss to Sam’s lips, he was gone. Sam’s fingers brushed lightly against his lips where Gabriel had just kissed him and smiled. Wow, Gabriel actually did like him. He stayed in his bed for a few more moments, before getting out of bed and getting changed. He headed out of his room in search of his brother, he needed to set things straight with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting to some Sabriel fluff! Let me know if you have any criticisms or comments :)


	8. Hey Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this is so short, but I’m struggling a lot rn. Hope you enjoy.

After a few minutes of looking, Sam found his brother staring at a mug of coffee and sitting at the kitchen table. He stepped into the room and cleared his throat, making his appearance known.

“Hey Sammy! Finally getting up huh?” Dean mocked slightly, masking the concern he had for his little brother.

“Shut it Dean.” Sam grumbled and moved over towards the coffee pot and poured himself some, before going to sit at the table across from his brother. “I’m sorry for last night, I shouldn’t have gone off on you like that, especially in front of Jack. He didn’t need to see that, the poor kid already had enough on his shoulders after leaving Lucifer behind-“

“I’m going to stop you right there. Last night, was not your fault. I was pushing you when you’d only been back for less than an hour. I was just selfish and upset because I was confused and overwhelmed with you coming back, but I should have realised you wouldn’t want to talk about that stuff straight away.”

Sam was shocked at Dean’s words, and his tone too. The way Dean spoke to him was like how he’d comfort Sam after a nightmare when he was a kid. He hadn’t spoken to him like that in years. This must be serious then. It was looking like they were about to have a ‘chick flick moment’, and Sam wasn’t completely sure he was ready for it.

“You know, you don’t have to say that. Plus there’s nothing to talk about Dean.” Sam tried to put off this talk, it was way too early in the morning to be doing this. Not that he wanted to do this anytime soon.

“Sure there is Sammy, I’m not angry, not at you. It’s just you looked so sure in what you were doing and it scared me. It scared me to see how ready my brother was to die, how little hesitation there was in what you did. I know you’re hurting from this Sammy, and from everything else you’ve been through. You were there for me when I had the Mark, when we lost Cas, and when we were searching for Mom and Jack, you were the one to keep me going through all of that. And yet I never even tried to make sure you were ok, and I hate myself for that.”

“Dean...” Sam was shocked, but Dean waved him off and continued to speak.

“I should have been there for you too, but I was too buried in my own problems to make sure you were doing ok.”

“Dean, are you blaming yourself for what happened? Because it wasn’t your fault. I did what I had to, I had to protect my family.And Michael was going to kill Gabriel, and I was not going to let him die because of me.” After he finished speaking, he went quiet and sipped at his now cold coffee.

Dean could sense Sam did not want to talk anymore about this, so he made no attempt to continue the conversation. They sat in silence for a few moments, when Dean started to smirk. Sam looked up at his brother and squinted his eyes at him.

“Dean, what are you thinking?”

Dean chuckled a little bit and replied, “So, you and Gabriel huh?”

Sam choked on his coffee. “Um what? Where did you get that idea?”

“Well, Cas and I came in to check on you this morning and saw you asleep on Gabriel. He practically forced us to leave because he didn’t want us to wake you. Seems like you’re pretty close...” Dean was teasing Sam at this point, lightning the mood a bit, but also genuinely curious.

“That’s just Gabe, he’s always looking out for others.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam’s statement, and was about to come up with a witty retort when Mary entered the kitchen and hugged her two boys, hanging on to Sam slightly longer than usual. She sat down with the two hunters and they chatted for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s gonna be a lot more Gabriel and Sam scenes, and less of the others. But is there any particular scenes you wanna see, like Jack hanging out with Sam etc.?


	9. Renegades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the suggestions, please enjoy.
> 
> Slight tw for small panic attack.

Sam spends the rest of his day surrounded by his family. They tried to do things a normal family would do, even though they were the farthest thing from it. Currently it was 4pm and Sam was having a bit of alone time in his room before Gabriel came to pick him up later. He had just started a new chapter in his book when there was a timid knock at the door. Sam sat up, closed his book and called in whoever was at the door. Jack entered and Sam stood up to greet him, slightly concerned by the boy’s nervous disposition.

“Is everything ok Jack?” Sam asked.

Jack didn’t answer him and instead walked up to him and hugged him, not wanting to let go. Sam was caught by surprise, but hugged back nonetheless. They stayed like that for a minute before Sam pulled away and guided Jack to a chair and Sam sat on the end of his bed.

“So what’s up? You seem... upset.”

“I’m sorry Sam, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I really missed you, you were only gone for a couple of weeks, but it was unbearable. You are like a father to me. Wait no, you are my father. And losing you is not something I ever want to experience again. I feel like this is all a bad dream and that if I look away for too long, you’ll disappear and I’ll never see you again and and and...”

Jack started to panic at the thought, and Sam moved forward and keeled in front of Jack. He took Jack’s hands in his own and tried to calm the kid down. “Jack? Jack? Look at me okay?” Jack looked at Sam, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere ok? This is real, I’m here to stay.”

Jack launched himself at Sam, embracing him in another hug and knocking them both to the floor. He cried into Sam’s shoulder as Sam pulled them both up so they were sitting on the end of the bed.

“I love you Sam.” Jack’s words made Sam burst out into a massive grin and he ruffled his hair.

“I love you too kiddo. What do you want to do then?”

Sam’s offer confused Jack a bit. “What do you mean?”

“Well you wanted to hang out, so let’s do something. What about a movie?”

“Can we watch the bee one?”

Sam chuckled a little at this. “The bee one?”

“Yeah the bee one. I saw it last time we had a movie night, before everything happened. You and Dean were arguing over what to watch and I saw it on the Netflix suggestions. I think it’s called the bee movie.”

“Yeah of course we can watch it. How about we go and ask Dean if we can watch it in the ‘Dean cave’? And then we can make some snacks in the kitchen?”

“Yes yes yes!” Jack was excited to spend some time with Sam doing normal things. It gave him a chance to be a real kid, even if it was only for a couple hours.

As they headed to the kitchen, they bumped into Cas, who had been searching for Jack. Upon seeing Jack’s red eyes and the dried tear tracks on his cheeks, he immediately became concerned. “Jack, what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing, I was just talking to Sam and got a bit upset. I’m ok for now, we are going to watch a movie with snacks!”

Cas smiled softly at how excited Jack seemed to be at the idea of spending time with Sam. He looked up at Sam as if to say he wanted to speak to him alone, so Sam turned to Jack. “Hey kid, how about you go on ahead and ask Dean about borrowing his tv for our film and get us some snacks. I’ll be with you in a second, I just need to talk to Cas real quick.”

Jack just beamed back at Sam before running off to find Dean. Once he’s disappeared around the corner, Sam looked to the angel.

“What’s up Cas?”

“I wanted to make sure you are ok. I know you have talked to Dean but you are my friend and I am concerned about you.”

“Cas, I’m not ok, I won’t lie. But being around the people I love most is making me feel so much better.” Sam was genuinely smiling as he said this, so Cas just nodded and accepted it.

“One more thing though Sam, I understand you are going on a trip with Gabriel tonight. You two are growing pretty close together.”

“Yeah, we are pretty good friends. Saving each others lives and all that.” Sam scratched the back of his neck, nervous as to where he was going with this.

“Right. Have fun then.” Cas raised his eyebrow and smirked before walking away.

—-

The television showed the end credits of the film. Jack and Sam had a brilliant time watching the movie. Jack made a couple jokes about during the court scenes that he’d learned off of Dean, and this is resulted in a popcorn war that lasted for a few minutes before they stopped. Sam made a sarcastic joke about Dean not liking them messing up his private space, so they paused the movie and quickly cleared the popcorn off the floor, laughing the entire time.

Just as Sam turned the tv off, Dean walked in. He spotted the rubbish bag next to one of the arm chairs and looked at them questioningly. Sam just shrugged and Jack giggled.

“Have fun then?” Dean questioned.

“Yeah, it was a movie about bees! They were fighting for honey and there was a really cool scene where they all got together and flew a plane!” Jack was visibly excited and Dean found it adorable.

“It’s good that you enjoyed it Jack.” He ruffled the boy’s hair before turning to Sam. “You better get ready for your date Sammy. Gabriel said he will be here any minute.”

Sam walked past Dean, sticking out his tongue as he did so. “It’s not a date Dean. It’s a friendly thing. It’s payback for a bet from ages ago.” Sam just continued walking until he was out of sight before stopping and letting out a breath. Damn that was close. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to keep whatever this was with Gabriel a secret for now. Maybe it was something about having a secret that only he knew gave him a sense of control of his mess of a life.

—-

He’d just got changed into a black flannel and jeans when there was a knock at his bedroom door. Sam started to panic a bit. What if he screwed up? He wasn’t exactly the best at dating. Did he look okay? Gabriel never told him what they were doing so he tried to go with a smart casual look. Taking a deep breath, he reached the door and opened it. There stood Gabriel, looking very... wait was he holding flowers? Shaking his head slightly, he invited Gabriel in so he could quickly grab his jacket.

“Well hello handsome.” Gabriel smirked and handed Sam the bouquet, who took it looking slightly confused, and laid them on his desk. The archangel saw Sam’s confused expression and pouted playfully. “What? Can’t a guy be romantic?”

Sam just kissed him on the cheek and said, “I was just surprised, I love them Gabe.” He turned around to grab his jacket, and missed the slight blush that appeared on the other man’s cheeks.

After he put his jacket it on, he asked, “So, where are we going?”

Gabriel just smiled cheekily and snapped his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also would like to say thank you for everyone’s kind words on that last chapter, your support of me and my story means so much. I have a few pre written chapters but uploads will be a bit irregular because this is gonna be one of my bad periods, and I have university deadlines in the next few days which are just another added source of stress.
> 
> I also have not edited this so it’s a bit of a leap of faith in terms of posting aha.


	10. Best Day Of My Life

They landed with a thump and Sam stumbled straight into Gabriel, but he caught the hunter and helped him stand up again. Once he’d got his bearings, he looked around. From what he saw, he was in a beautiful wooden cabin in some kind of forest.

“Wow, this place is beautiful Gabe. Where are we?” Sam turned around to face Gabriel, who had since poured Sam a glass of wine. Sam took the glass carefully, and took a sip. “This is fancy stuff Gabe, you shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble.” He immediately shut up when he saw the look of thunder on the archangel’s face.

“Sam... you deserve all of this. Plus of course I had to go all out. I’m what the kids call extra.” Gabriel’s silly tone and jazz hands lightened Sam’s mood a bit. “And to answer your earlier question, this is just a little place I own in the Everglades. Won it in a game of poker with some author guy a couple hundred years ago. Do you like it? I hope this is an okay date. I wasn’t sure what to do...”

“It’s perfect Gabe.” Sam complimented, and Gabriel hid his face behind his glass. He gestured for them to sit on the sofa, and he snapped his fingers again. The fireplace lit up and Sam could immediately feel it’s warmth. He pulled his legs up on to the sofa and leaned against Gabriel’s shoulder.

“Not that I’m objecting, but shouldn’t I be the one curling up on you? You’re the giant after all.”

Sam playfully punched him in the arm and told him to shut up. To punctuate his point, Sam shifted up closer to Gabriel, who sighed in mock irritation and then put his arm around Sam. They sat there for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence. It was nice, Sam thought. Being able to ignore all of his problems, and the dark thoughts that constantly plagued his mind. In this moment, it was just him and his angel. No one else mattered. He was focusing on the breathing of the other man and held onto how it made him feel.

Sam knows Gabriel said he loved him, but did he actually mean it? Or was it some pity party thing he said in the moment to calm Sam down, and then he felt like he had to follow through with the date? How silly was he to think someone like Gabriel would actually love him back? Whilst Sam’s mind was playing tricks on him, he had been inching away from Gabriel. The archangel was extremely concerned at this sudden change in Sam’s behaviour.

“Hey Sammy, what’s wrong?”

Sam snapped out of his thoughts and looked to Gabriel, who was kneeling in front of him. Shaking his head slightly, he answered, “I’m fine, just got lost in my thoughts, that’s all.” His smile was weak, and Gabriel could see right through it. He did not want to press the issue however, he felt like this was not something he could simply snap his fingers at and fix. So he just raised an eyebrow at Sam, before patting him on the leg.

“Come on through here then love, you gotta eat.”

Sam got up and followed Gabriel into another room where there was a small wooden dining table with matching chairs. On the table was a simple, yet beautiful, set up consisting of two candles, two plates and what looked to be two ceramic pots of different shapes on hot plates. It looked so domestic, and Sam was starting to feel silly for what he was thinking earlier. Gabriel wouldn’t have done all of this for a pity date. Gabriel simply motioned to a chair and Sam sat down. He watched as Gabriel sat down as well and took the lids off of the two pots, revealing a pile of new potatoes in one pot and the other contained a homemade lentil roast.

“Is this vegetarian?”

Gabriel got a little sheepish at Sam’s questioning tone. “Yeah. I know how you liked vegetarian food so I looked up a few recipes and decided to give it a go, the human way.”

Sam was genuinely flattered. “You cooked for me? That’s so sweet Gabe.” He was beaming.

“I wanted to do something unconventional, seen as we aren’t the picture of normal.”

Sam chuckled at this and refilled their wine glasses as Gabriel served the food onto each plate.

—-

After they finish their dinner, they stepped out onto the front porch and sat on the bench that was there. Gabriel reached and grabbed Sam’s hand, rubbing his thumb against his palm. Sam just watched him carefully. Gabriel would never hurt him, he knew that, but this was a strangely intimate move. He looked into the angel’s eyes, getting lost completely in them.

“Everything ok there Sammy?”

“Wha- oh yeah, just your eyes...” Sam trailed off, suddenly realising how ridiculous he sounded. It was like a high school crush.

“Don’t be silly, it’s not ridiculous. Quite endearing if you ask me.”

“I said that out loud?”

At this, Gabriel burst into laughter, which sent Sam into tears of laughter. Both laughed until their sides hurt. After a couple of minutes, Sam sat back up and wiped a tear from his eye.

“Why were you laughing at me?”

“Because you were being utterly clueless. Plus, high school crush huh? Am I that cheesy?”

“You cooked me dinner when you could have just taken me to some restaurant or movie. But you cooked us a meal by hand and served fancy wine. Pretty cheesy.”

Gabriel smirked and leaned a little closer, “But you loved it.”

Sam met Gabriel’s lips with his own, and they lost all sense of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I cut off, I just can’t write smut, but you guys can guess what happened after. I hope so anyway.
> 
> Even with my inability to write smut, hope you guys enjoyed. It’s a pretty fluffy chapter, but don’t worry, unlike the show writers, I’m not going to brush over Sam’s trauma. So be prepared for more angst coming soon.


	11. Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

They ended up back at the bunker the next day, which was much later than they expected. Gabriel dropped Sam off in his room, just as there was a knock on the door. Gabriel winked and disappeared. Sam quickly leapt into bed, feigning sleep. His eyes snapped shut as the door opened and Dean called out his name. Sam lifted his head off the pillow, pretending he’d just been awoken by his brother’s intrusion.

“Dean?”

“Rise and shine baby brother, think I found a case.”

“Right, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Dean just raised his eyebrow at Sam. “Good night huh?”

“Don’t be disgusting Dean.” Sam threw a pillow at Dean’s head as the latter ran out of the room giggling like a kid. Sam shook his head at his brother’s antics and quickly got changed into fresh clothes, before heading to the kitchen. Last night had left the hunter tired, so coffee was his first port of call. He greeted his mother as he entered, who kissed him on the cheek and ushered him to sit at the table as she poured him some coffee. Even with Sam’s reassurances that he was on the path to being okay again Mary still stuck to him like glue, always there to make sure he was okay and help him with anything he needed.

“Thanks mom.” He said cheerfully, then concentrated on drinking the coffee.

Dean came in for his second coffee of the day, before putting Sam’s laptop on the kitchen table. Sam spotted his laptop, and protested against Dean using it. His brother snapped back with some sarcastic retort, which Sam just responded to by sticking his tongue out.

“So I’m guessing you’re gonna show me this case?”

“Uh yeah. So this town has had three different deaths over two months. Each person that died was on the board involved in the opening of this new haunted museum house attraction thing. Honestly I don’t know what it is they were opening. But anyway it looks like something is definitely happening up there, I’m thinking a ghost. Fancy going on a good old fashioned hunt?” Dean was grinning by the time he’d finished talking.

Dean’s enthusiasm with having the chance to go and do something normal was overwhelming. Sam agreed and both boys left the kitchen to pack their bags. Mary and Jack said they would be fine in the bunker, so Cas left to sort out some angel business with Gabriel. When Sam got to his room, he grabbed his duffle bag realising it was half full already, and just added a few more things before setting it on his bed. Sitting next to it, he started to contemplate what he was about to do. This was his first average monster hunt since before going to rescue mom and Jack from the apocalypse world, his first hunt since he some how came back from the dead. Going out on a hunt when they didn’t even know why he was back. It just didn’t seem normal. But getting on with his life was the best thing for him... right?

He shook his head to try and get rid of the existential thoughts bothering him. Sam needed a clear head if they were to get this hunt over and done with quickly, and escape in one piece. Grabbing his bag, he left his room and headed to the impala where Dean was waiting impatiently.

“Took you long enough.”

Sam just rolled his eyes. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

—-

After spending an hour at the museum, it became blaring my obvious that this was definitely a ghost problem. They spoke to the towns lead historian, and learned about a gruesome murder that had happened almost a century before. The Winchesters put the pieces together and figured out it was the victim, Douglas Winter, who was killing off the board members for turning the, once undisturbed, site of the murder into a tourist attraction.

This small series events let up to now. The boys had just settled into a motel and were checking over their tools to make sure they had what they needed for this simple salt and burn.

“You okay over there Sammy?”

“Yeah. Just nervous. First back hunt back and all...”

Dean put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine. Remember, you’re Sam freaking Winchester. Nothing can keep you down for long.”

This seemingly silly comment actually lifted Sam’s spirits and made him that slight bit more confident in himself. His posture straightened and he nodded a thanks to his brother before looking over his salt gun once more.

“Let’s do this.”

—-

They thought this would be a walk in the park. They were wrong. After they found the grave, Dean started to dig whilst Sam was on look out. Out of nowhere his gun was ripped from his hand and he was thrown against a tree, knocking him out.

“Sam!” Dean’s cries for his brother went unnoticed.

The ghost advanced towards the hunter, who managed to fire at it and causing it to dissipate. He was torn between going to his brother’s aide and continuing to dig, but he knew if he didn’t burn the bones soon, they’d both be done for. Finally reaching the coffin, he tore the lid off and poured the salt over the remains. The ghost reappeared with a scream and headed straight towards Dean. He hurriedly leaped out of the grave and dropped the lighter. Flames shot out of the grave as the bones burned, and the ghost shrieked as it disappeared.

“SAMMY!!”

Dean ran over to the tree his brother was starting to wake up.

“Hey! Sammy? Come on little brother.” Dean knelt down beside Sam and kept tapping at his cheek in an attempt to keep him awake.

“D’n?” Sam tried to sit up, so Dean grabbed his shoulders and guided him to a sitting position carefully.

“Hey kiddo. Decided to go for a nap during a hunt?” Dean’s teasing was a front for his concern and concussed as he may be, Sam could sense this.

“Shuddup.”

Dean smirked a little at this. “Come on Sammy, we should probably get you back to the motel and call Gabriel or Cas to get you all fixed up.”

“It’s Sam. And I‘m fine.” As Sam said this, he tried to stand up, but nearly fell back down again.

“Yep, definitely fine. Come on, let’s go.”

Once Dean had gotten Sam back to the motel, he immediately prayed for Cas. Seconds later, Cas appeared, followed by Gabriel.

“What did you need us for Deano?” Gabriel’s smile faltered as his eyes landed on Sam passed out on one of the lousy motel beds.

“What the fuck happened?” He rushed over to Sam’s side and put his hand on the hunter’s forehead, healing him.

“Salt and burn got a bit more serious than we thought it would be. It threw him against a tree.”

Gabriel frowned and looked at the hunter, surprised to see those beautiful brown eyes staring back at him.

“Gonna take your hand off of my forehead now Gabe?” There was a hint of humour in his tone.

“Get a room you two.” Dean fake gagged, and Cas just watched in amusement. It truly was an average hunt. Maybe, just maybe, Sam was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter whilst I catch up on uni work and figure out how to write my ideas for the next few chapters.


	12. Feeling Cornered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/ there is some talk of hallucifer, panic attacks nightmares and slight suicidal thoughts. Please end careful when reading.

It was two weeks since his hiccup on the hunt and he’d had several secret dates with Gabriel, who was currently off doing something with Cas. This didn’t have much to do with Sam’s current state however.

Sam was not okay. He was never going to be okay. That’s what he decided anyway. Right now, he was huddled in the corner of his room, door locked and wrapped in his duvet and several blankets. He’d just woken from an extremely vivid nightmare that had detailed one of the worst waking moments he’d experienced in the cage. After he pulled himself out of the horrid dream, he could barely tell what was real and was not. That led to him putting himself in a corner. His logic was that if he was backed against a wall, nothing could get him.

A sudden burst of laughter made Sam jump out of his skin and he looked over to the source of the sound. There, on the chair next to his desk, was Lucifer himself. Sam felt his heart leap into his throat.

“Hello Sammy. Miss me?”

“No no no no.” Sam pushed his fists into his eyes in a weak attempt to get rid of the vision.

“Tsk tsk tsk, don’t you want to spend more time with me? I’m truly wounded.” Lucifer placed his hand over his heart and feigned hurt.

“Leave me alone!” Sam shouted and buried himself even more under the duvet and blankets he’d made a nest out of.

The hallucination of Lucifer burst into more maniacal laughter as there was a frantic knocking at Sam’s door. This new loud noise made Sam curl in on himself more. The knocking grew louder and more desperate as a voice started to speak.

“Sam!? Sammy!?”

Sam thought he could hear his brother’s voice, but he was distracted by the chaotic ramblings of the devil, who had now moved to sit against the wall next to him. The door shook as Dean tried to break down the door. Jack and Mary were watching, looking utterly terrified. Finally, the door gave in and broke, allowing Dean to enter the room. Mary and Jack stayed outside, not wanting to invade on Sam’s privacy, no matter how scared they were.

Dean’s face fell at the sight of his little brother huddled in the corner of his room, seemingly talking to no one. Sam was shaking, his face pail and sweaty.

“No Lucifer, please don’t.”

This made Dean stop dead in his tracks and his blood ran cold. Was Sam seeing Lucifer again? Deciding to take a more careful approach, he turned and signalled to his mom to take Jack into the library and call Cas and Gabriel. Once they had left, he continued to try and communicate with Sam.

“Hey Sammy, can you look at me.” Dean crouched down to Sam’s level, but he showed no acknowledgement of Dean. “Sam, whatever you’re seeing, he’s not there okay? We left him in the other world. He’s not here, I can promise you that.”

“Believe that Sammy? You really think you made it out of there, got Gabriel to love you and have a normal enough life? Phaha.” Lucifer was mocking him about believe this reality was real, much like he did when he appeared at Bobby’s place and Dean was stitching up his hand. Sam flinched at Lucifer’s words.

Seeing Sam flinch, Dean grabbed his hand and turned it over so he could see Sam’s palm, pressing his thumb gently onto the scar.

“Hey kiddo, he’s not real remember? We left that sob on the other side of the rift. He’s not here, I can promise you that Sammy. Can you open your eyes for me?” Dean’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle.

After a couple of minutes, Sam’s trembling subsided and he opened his eyes to see that Lucifer had disappeared and instead Dean was crouching down in front of him.

“De-Dean?”

“You alright? What happened?”

“Nightmare.” Sam’s voice was weak and it scared Dean.

“Okay. How about we get you standing up and you can get changed into some clean clothing?” Shakily, Sam unwrapped himself from his duvet cocoon and stood up slowly. His legs wobbled but Dean was there to help him over to the chair next to his desk. When Sam saw where Dean was leading him to, he started to panic. Dean realised what happening, so instead sat him down on his bed.

“Hey buddy, I’m going to need you to breathe for me okay? There we go.”

Sam kept trying to keep his breathing level whilst Dean grabbed him a new pair of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.

“Are you going to be okay enough to get changed by yourself for a minute? I’m going to go let mom and Jack know you’re okay.”

Sam didn’t have the strength to talk back, so he simply nodded and waited for Dean to leave. He got changed quickly, then just sat down and stared at the floor. He was scared that if he looked anywhere else, Lucifer would be there taunting him. If he was still and stayed in his exact spot, he would not have any chance of seeing him. He would not have to deal with any of this if he just pretended he didn’t exist. Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t exist? Sam shook his head. He couldn’t think like that, he just couldn’t.

There was a timid knock at the door, and Sam reluctantly tore his gaze from a particularly interesting speck of dirt on his floor to look at Gabriel, who was stood in the doorway.

Sam stood up and walked over to Gabriel, wrapping him in a hug. And he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this made me low-key uncomfy because I used some of my own coping mechanisms (for when I feel panicy, I don’t have hallucinations) like cocooning myself in a corner wrapped in blankets. But eh, hope you enjoyed it. Finally dealing with some serious stuff.


	13. Little Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: panic attacks, nightmares

“Sammy? Maybe you should lie down.” Gabriel tried to keep his voice level, but he was utterly terrified for his human.

“No. I don’t want to. Please don’t make me sleep. I can’t-” Sam was getting hysterical again, the emotional trauma of the past couple of hours catching up with him.

“Hey, hey! Sam? It’s okay, no one is going to make you sleep.”

Sam’s legs gave out from underneath him. Gabriel caught him and lowered them both steadily to the floor. “Woah there handsome, warn me before you try to face plant the floor huh?” Sam paid no mind to Gabriel’s humour and continued to breathe a little too quickly for Gabriel’s looking.

“Sammy? Sam? I need you to calm down. Breathe. Come on love.” Gabriel’s words had no effect on Sam, and he seemed to be getting worse. His eyes were glassy and showed no acknowledgement of his surroundings.

“Shit...” Gabriel tapped his cheek to try and get Sam’s attention. When that didn’t work, he shouted for Dean.

“Dean! I need help in here!”

Seconds later Dean, followed by Cas, burst into the room. “What the hell happened here? Sammy?” Dean was confused and worried. He went to kneel in front of his brother, but the sudden movement seemed to snap Sam out of his trance.

“D’n?”

Dean breathed a silent sigh of relief. “Hey Sam. How about we get you to the kitchen? Get you a cup of coffee to calm you down huh?” He tried his best to keep his tone gentle, as not to startle Sam.

“Okay.” Sam grabbed Gabriel’s arm and the archangel helped him up. Cas left ahead of the three, to reassure Jack and Mary, and make sure they gave Sam some space.

Gabriel sat down next to Sam at the table. Dean went to the coffee machine and was about to start it, but Sam’s quiet voice spoke out. “Can we have hot chocolate?” The seemingly simple request put a massive smile on Dean’s face and he immediately got to making the drink.

“Hot chocolate instead of coffee? I knew you were the one for me Sammy.” This statement from Gabriel made the younger hunter chuckle and he leant his head on the archangel’s shoulder.

“I’ve talked to Mary and Jack. They’re concerned about Sam. I told them it was a nightmare, but Jack heard Lucifer’s name mentioned and he’s getting increasingly curious. I’m not sure what to tell him.” Cas announced as he joined the three in the kitchen.

Sam visibly flinched at Lucifer’s name, and Cas immediately regretted his choice of words. “Sam, I’m sorry I-“ Cas began, but Sam just waved him off.

“Don’t worry Cas. All good.”

Cas was going to reply, but Dean had made Sam’s drink and he took his attention off of Cas and instead to the mug that was placed in front of him.

Dean sat down opposite his brother, and Cas sat next to Dean. “Kiddo, look I know you don’t want to talk about this, but we need to know. Were you definitely seeing Lucifer?”

Sam froze as he went to a sip of his drink. “Yes.” He answered simply. What else was there to say? Any improvement to his mood since he woke up vanished in an instant, and he went uncharacteristically silent. At his answer he could hear Dean’s sharp intake of breath, and Gabriel moved his chair to be closer to Sam.

“Was this the only time you’ve seen him?” Gabriel asked.

Sam just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“It’s entirely possible that the nightmare Sam experienced caused the hallucination. Neither myself nor Gabriel sense any angelic or demonic interference.” Cas faced Sam as he spoke. “I wouldn’t worry Sam, he isn’t here.”

Sam thought he was supposed to feel reassured at Cas’ words, but instead he had a sinking feeling. Something wasn’t right. As if Gabriel could sense Sam’s thoughts, he squeezed the younger Winchester’s thigh in an attempt to calm him down. Sam did not outwardly acknowledge this action, but it did make him feel slightly better.

“Okay Sam, there’s still a few hours of night left. Maybe you could get some sleep.” Dean tried to reason, but Sam tensed as soon as he mentioned sleeping. He didn’t think he could go back to sleep. Ever. He couldn’t chance reliving the cage again. He just couldn’t.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’ll stay with you.” Gabriel reassured Sam that he wouldn’t be alone, and that he’d do his best to ward off any nightmares he might get. Dean wasn’t 100% happy with the archangel offering to stay in the same bed as his little brother, but he trusted Gabriel and he knew Sam did too.

“As much as I hate it, I agree with Gabriel. Sam, you need sleep and it is best you’re not alone right now.”

Dean’s statement irked Sam a bit. He didn’t like the fact he was being spoken to like a child, but he lacked the energy to care. Wordlessly, he left the kitchen and went to his room. Gabriel followed, unsure how to act or what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short one, I’m not doing too good atm so updates will probably be slow.


	14. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning for angst and panic

When Sam awoke a few hours later, he felt somewhat rested. Rolling over, he saw Gabriel sitting on his desk reading one of the books Sam had forgotten to put back in the library. Noticing Sam was awake, he closed the book and tossed it aside. Gabriel jumped off the desk rather dramatically and sauntered over to where Sam was now sitting up.

“Morning.” He said as he sat on the edge of Sam’s bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

Sam sleepily smiled and leaned into the touch. “Morning.”

“Sleep any better?”

“Yeah, I didn’t dream at all. It was weird, but I feel a little more rested. Look Gabe, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to pull you away from whatever you were attending to with Cas.”

“Wha- Sam, firstly you don’t need to apologise. Secondly, you didn’t pull me away from anything. I’m the archangel Gabriel, do you really think I would have come to you against my will? No. I came because I wanted to be there for you. You are hurting from something my dick of a brother did to you. I owe you.”

Gabriel’s words did little to make Sam feel less guilty, he always felt like such a burden for not getting over the cage trauma. He stopped vocalising about it because he didn’t want to put that all on his brother and Cas. But now he can’t even control his reactions to it, it felt like spending time with Lucifer in the apocalypse world set back all of his progress. Logically he knew that keeping it to himself was the definition of unhealthy, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was letting his family down.

“You don’t owe me anything Gabe, it wasn’t you who did it. Your support means everything to me. I love you.”

Gabriel’s concerned frown turned into a silly grin and he rested his forehead against Sam’s. “I love you too Sammy.”

The pair sat like that for a couple of minutes, taking in the pure love they both felt radiating from one another. Eventually, Gabriel pulled away and stood up. “Right, you need to get up and get dressed so we can get some breakfast in you.”

The mention of eating caused Sam’s stomach to do flips, he really didn’t want to eat. He wasn’t even sure he would be able to keep it down. “Uh Gabe I think I’m gonna miss out on breakfast today, not feeling that hungry.” He secretly crossed his fingers, hoping he’d buy the weak excuse, but he didn’t.

“Not a chance Samshine. I can tell you’ve not been eating properly when I’m not around and I’m not letting you get away with it now.” He grabbed Sam’s arm and hoisted him off the bed and into a standing position on the floor. Sam just stared at Gabriel, who smiled and shook his head. “You can get changed in front of me you know? Nothing I haven’t seen before.” He winked at Sam, who blushed and looked down slightly. “But don’t worry, I’ll turn around if you want me to.” Gabriel quickly added, he didn’t want to pressure Sam into anything. “I just want to make sure you actually leave your room today. That’s all.”

Sam smiled and walked over to his wardrobe, grabbing a clean hoodie and some joggers. He quickly got changed, and they both left his room together. As they got closer to the kitchen, Sam could hear Jack babbling on to Dean about some random game he found on his tablet that they’d recently got him. Jack’s enthusiasm filled Sam with fondness for the young nephilim.

“Sam!” Jack acknowledged the hunter’s presence, which caused Dean to spin and face him.

Sam sat down and Dean walked over to him, ruffling his hair. “Morning kiddo.” Sam just laughed and batted Dean’s hand away. Mary walked in just in time to see this interaction, and half heartedly told the boys off for being childish. Dean just laughed and ignored her, continuing to bother Sam for a minute more before returning to the pancakes he was making.

Mary leaned over to Sam. “Are you okay? Did you get any sleep?”

“Yeah I’m fine don’t worry. Just a freak nightmare. Won’t happen again.” He knew full well that was an empty promise, but what else could he say.

Mary was going to reply, when Jack beat her to it. “What did my biological father do to you?”

That seemingly simple question caused the whole room to go silent. Sam had no idea what to do. Cas, who has previously been sitting wordlessly in the corner, got up and sat down next to Jack. He understood the kid was curious, but he didn’t know how to help. Everyone seemed to be frozen, waiting for Sam’s reaction. Eventually, he spoke up. “It’s an... err... It’s a long story.” Sam’s shaky reply snapped Dean back into action and he went to his brother’s side.

“Sam, maybe it’s not the best idea to do this now.” Dean started, but Sam shook his head.

“No Dean, he should know. But maybe I should talk to him alone.” He directed the last part straight at Gabriel, who he knew wouldn’t want to leave him alone to talk about this. He didn’t want to leave time for anyone to protest, so he motioned to Jack to follow him and they went into the library.

“Look kid, I’m not going to lie, this is a very dark story and I’m going to say some things about your father that you are not going to like. So I’m going to try and simplify it, I don’t want to overload you. Is that okay with you?”

Jack just nodded, not wanting to discourage Sam by talking. He needed to know why Lucifer was hated so much, apart from the obvious.

Sam just took a deep breath and delved into telling Jack the bare bones of what happened, with jumping into the cage, what happened when he was there, and the hallucinations.

—-

When Sam finished talking, he was visibly shaking and breathing too quickly. Reliving even the small parts of the trauma he went through took a lot out of him. He tried to regulate his breathing and finally looked up to gauge Jack’s reaction. Jack was just sitting there, starting at Sam with tears streaming silently down his cheeks. Sam had no idea what to do, he definitely didn’t expect this reaction. He thought Jack would hate him after what he just said about his father. Why didn’t Jack hate him?

“Oh my- Sam I’m so sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologising? It wasn’t you’re fault. I should be apologising to you for speaking badly about your father.”

Without much warning, Jack shot forward and into Sam’s arms, taking him by surprise. “No, you shouldn’t. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my Dad and nothing will change that.”

Jack’s words set Sam off crying, and he hugged the young boy back. Maybe everything was going to be alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, bit crappy.


	15. Taking A Turn For The Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> TW: references to suicidal thoughts

After their heart to heart, both Jack and Sam decided they needed some space and went to their respective rooms. Sam picked up the book that Gabriel had tossed aside earlier that morning and ran a hand over it fondly. He found it mildly worrying how it seemed that Gabriel was the only being responsible for his happiness. But at the same time, he didn’t mind. The fact he was happy at all was a miracle in itself and he’d take what he could get.

“Something particularly interesting about that book?”

Gabriel’s sudden appearance caused Sam to nearly jump out of his skin. He hadn’t realised he’d spaced out and been staring at the book in his hands.

“What? No.” Sam was getting flustered. “Just err thinking.”

“Oh no, thinking? Now we’re in trouble.” Gabriel teased. Sam just stuck his tongue out at Gabriel.

“Shut it.” Sam put the book down and grabbed his laptop so he could relax on his bed.

Gabriel followed suit and plopped himself down next to Sam. “So, what are we doing then?”

Sam chuckled. “We?”

“Yeah, we. You didn’t think you could rid of me did you? I’m like an annoyingly handsome rash, I’ll never leave you alone.” He flipped his imaginary hair, which set Sam of into a proper fit of laughter.

“You are absolutely ridiculous.” He managed to breathe out in between laughing fits.

“Yeah well, you love me.” He finished his sentence with a smirk, looking into Sam’s eyes.

“That I do.”

The two shared a gentle and loving kiss. Gabriel could feel Sam smiling on his lips, and he decided right there and then that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Sam. A warmth enveloped the pair, but they were two wrapped up in each other to notice.

—-

Gabriel had not long left, saying something about getting something for their dinner. Sam hadn’t really been listening, he was tired. Both emotionally and physically. That talk with Jack knocked him for six, but he didn’t feel the full effects of it until he was alone. Right now, he did not want to be alone. He laid back on the bed and curled up into an almost impossibly small ball. If he could have his way, he would just want to hibernate. Not be able to feel anything at all until everything sorted itself out. Sam was hit with overwhelming urge to disappear. This sudden change in his mood terrified him. He felt like he was regressing back to his mental state when he first got his soul back. The dark thoughts were starting to weasel their way back into his consciousness and he was outright terrified. He’d just gotten his life back, he couldn’t even enjoy it before it all went to shit again. He pushed the palms of hands against his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough, the thoughts would stop. Or he’d pass out. Either would be good for him. He didn’t want to deal with this. He couldn’t.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder, but he barely registered the touch. He was too focused on blocking out the intrusive thoughts. Why wouldn’t they stop?

Dean had only came in to check on his brother and found him curled up in a ball, hands pressed against his head. “Sam?” He spoke quietly, slowly approaching Sam.

Sam either wasn’t listening or couldn’t hear Dean, because he did not move. He didn’t react to his brother’s touch, and it terrified Dean. Gently shaking Sam’s shoulder, he continued to call out his name. Finally, after what felt like hours, Sam uncurled himself and spoke a million miles an hour. The sudden change in Sam’s behaviour gave Dean metaphorical whiplash.

“Woah, slow down their bucko. Take a breath, I just wanted to check in on you after earlier.”

“Sorry Dean, just tired.”

Dean went to reply when Cas came bursting in.

“Dean. Sam. You need to get to the war room now. Billie is here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of self projection here, which was very difficult for me to do and I did trigger myself a little bit, hence why this chapter is short.


	16. That Was Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings (at least I don’t think so) for this chapter.

“Billie? That can’t be good.” Sam got out of bed, pulled on a hoodie and followed Cas out of the room, allowing no time for Dean to push the issue further. When Dean reached the war room, he saw Sam pacing in the corner, Cas watching him with concerned eyes, and Billie sitting down with her ever stoic expression.

“What is this?”

Billie looked up, not at all affected by Dean’s harsh and demanding tone. “I was just informing Sam here.” She waved her hand lazily in Sam’s direction, “about how I pulled him out of the Empty because-“

“Wait. The Empty? What were you doing there? Why didn’t you tell us that’s where it was?” Dean was looking straight at Sam, who had since stopped pacing and was staring back at his brother.

“You actually think I knew? How was I supposed to know huh? You knew as much as I did when I came back, I wasn’t lying about that.” Sam was getting defensive, and his exhaustion was not helping his ability to keep his temper down.

Cas decided to step between the brothers before their argument could escalate. “Dean, it is entirely possible Sam had no idea he was there. I know from experience what it is like. You’re asking the wrong questions.” Dean considered Cas’ words for a minute, before nodding and letting Billie continue.

“As I was saying, when Sam killed Michael, he was in such close proximity to the death of an archangel that he was pulled in too. I pulled Sam out of the Empty because you’re going to need all of the help you can get. Lucifer got through to this world, I could feel it.” She raised her hand, silencing Dean and continued. “Do not ask me how, because I do not know. But give me some credit, I did try to warn you of Sam’s return.”

The room was silent for a minute, before Cas had a lightbulb moment. “Gabriel.”

“Exactly.” She nodded. “I was hoping you’d get what I was going for, but obviously I was too ambitious in my attempts to communicate with you.” Dean huffed in reply.

“What did you mean about Lucifer? Why did you need to bring me back?” Sam asked tentatively.

“He’s planning something, what exactly it is I don’t know. However, I have been led to believe that his true vessel is the only one who can properly stop him.” She ended her sentence with a shrug, acting as if she hadn’t just dropped a massive bombshell.

“Oh right, that’s pretty... wow.” Sam was stumbling over his words. He supposed he shouldn’t be shocked at this turn of events, he couldn’t catch a break. Why not chuck an impending apocalypse that only he could truly stop on top of the ever growing pile of shit he has yet to deal with. Running a hand over his face, he began to pace again as he contemplated Billie’s words. “Just what we need. No rest for the wicked huh?” Sam’s laughter at his own joke was obviously forced, but no one commented on it and for that he was grateful.

“So why are you showing such an interest in this? Why are you helping us?”

“I may be Death, but do you really think I’d side with the Devil on this? Dean... I’m offended you think so little of me.”

Dean stayed quiet, which told Billie all she needed to know. “Look, I’ll keep you updated but I’ve got to go.” And with that, she disappeared.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a drink.” Dean briefly left the room in search of anything alcoholic. Sam just flopped down into the nearest chair and stares blankly at the floor.

“Sam?” Cas called his name softly.

“I’m fine, just tired.” Sam leaned forward, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He silently prayed for Gabriel. If anyone could help him at a time like this, it was Gabriel.

“What’s this about?” Gabriel appeared suddenly in the middle of the room, causing Dean, who had just reentered with an armful of beer, to jump out of his skin. He didn’t pay any mind to Dean, instead he put his entire focus on Sam, reading his body language and trying to gauge what was wrong.

“Lucifer’s back. Billie pulled me out of the Empty because apparently that’s where I was and that I’m the one who’s able to stop him.” Sam was sitting up by this point, his arm movements becoming more frantic with every word. Gabriel pulled out a chair, sitting next to Sam and puts a comforting hand on Sam’s knee. He looked to Cas, who explained everything that had happened in simple terms.

“Oh.” Gabriel had no idea what to say. He just wished they could have 5 minutes peace before another world threatening disaster loomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, much has happened in my personal life. That, and the last chapter triggered me massively so I took a break from fanfic for a little bit. I then decided to update one of my other fics and couldn’t find time for this one. But I’m back now :). It’s funny how I over share so much more on this fic than I do on my tumblr. Speaking of, if you have any criticisms, or just wanna chat, don’t hesitate to drop me an ask or a message on my tumblr, @hecticwinter. :)


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